The 150 best Chuck Norris jokes and memes

Chuck Norris became an internet meme thanks to his iconic status as a martial artist and actor, especially after the success of his movies and TV shows such as "Walker, Texas Ranger". The real wave of memes began in the mid-2000s, when internet users began inventing humorous, exaggerated and absurd claims about Chuck Norris' incredible abilities and achievements. These "facts" often portrayed him as an almost omnipotent hero, with statements such as "Chuck Norris can split an atom with his bare hands" or "Chuck Norris doesn't sleep, he waits".

These "facts" quickly went viral and spread across forums, social networks and websites, thanks to their humorous and absurd nature, which resonated with a wide audience. Chuck Norris himself embraced his new role on the internet with humor and even participated in advertisements and projects that used his meme image, which helped to spread it further. In the early 2000s, the internet and social networks became powerful tools for the creation and distribution of memes, and Chuck Norris fit perfectly into this context thanks to his recognizable image and already existing fan base. Here you will find a list of what we consider to be the 150 best Chuck Norris jokes.

Only the best Chuck Norris jokes

• When Chuck Norris was exposed to the coronavirus, the virus was sent into isolation.
• Every year, the flu gets a Chuck Norris vaccination.
• When Chuck Norris reaches into the socket, the electricity takes a hit.
• Chuck Norris can download hardware.
• Chuck Norris can light a fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
• When Chuck Norris looks in the mirror, there is no reflection. There can only be one.
• Chuck Norris was once bitten by a cobra. After five agonizing days, the cobra died.
• When Chuck Norris steps on a Lego, the Lego cries.
• Chuck Norris lost his innocence before his father did.
• Chuck Norris knows the last digit of the number pi.
• Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
• The theory of evolution is a myth; only the species that Chuck Norris spared survived.
• The quickest way to a man's heart is through Chuck Norris' fist.
• The Great Wall of China was built to prevent Chuck from getting to China. Unfortunately, the experiment was unsuccessful.
• Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake by himself before his friends could tell him about the stripper inside.
• There are no doors in Chuck Norris' house; he walks through walls.
• Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
• If you write "Chuck Norris" in your A-levels, you will be accepted at any university.
• If you search Google for "Chuck Norris took a beating", you get 0 results.
• Chuck Norris once ordered a Big Mac at Burger King. And he got it.
• Chuck Norris can watch a 60-minute show in 20 minutes.
• Chuck Norris changes his skin twice a year.
• Chuck Norris' U-turn kick is the preferred method of capital punishment in 16 states.
• Chuck Norris cuts water with his beard.
• Chuck Norris can talk about Fight Club.
• When the first episode of "Cool Walker" was shown in France, the French immediately capitulated to Chuck - just in case.
• When Chuck Norris urinates, the jet can easily boil titanium.
• Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two tons, breathes fire, can eat a Hammes and can withstand a shotgun blast at close range.
• The shortest way to a man's heart is a Chuck Norris fist.

• A "handicapped parking" sign does not mean that this is a place where handicapped people can park. Rather, it indicates that the parking lot belongs to Chuck Norris and warns of what will happen to anyone who parks there.
• The plot of the movie Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on true events. One day Chuck Norris swallowed a turtle and when he pooped it out again, it was two meters tall and could do karate.
• When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it doesn't mean he's gay. It just means he's temporarily run out of women.
• Chuck Norris doesn't use a towel, the water runs off Chuck.
• Chuck Norris never reads books. He stares at them until he has all the information he needs.
• Chuck Norris once ate a cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
• Chuck Norris is not healthy like a bull, but a bull that is healthy like Chuck Norris.
• Someone once told Chuck Norris that a spinning leg kick is not the best way to kick. Historians say this was the biggest mistake in the history of mankind.
• The military unit Chuck Norris does not exist in the game Civilization 4 because a single Chuck Norris unit would destroy all nations together in one turn.
• Chuck Norris does not touch butter. He hits a cow with his foot and the butter falls out of the cow.
• Chuck Norris once shot down a Nazi fighter jet by pointing his finger at it and yelling "BA-BAH!".
• When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he doesn't recognize syringes, but asks for a gun and a bucket.
• Chuck Norris once competed against Lance Armstrong in a "Who has the most balls?" contest. Chuck Norris won by a margin of 5 points.
• Chuck Norris formulated a new theory of relativity, according to which there are many universes in which Chuck Norris is an even bigger villain than in ours. When this theory was publicly refuted by Albert Einstein, Chuck Norris kicked him in the face, and now we know Einstein as Stephen Hawking.
• Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck decorated with human skulls.
• Chuck Norris is the only person who embodies the Heisenberg uncertainty principle - you never know exactly where and when he's going to fuck up your leg.
• A bomb was never dropped on Nagasaki. It was Chuck Norris who jumped out of the plane and stomped off.
• Chuck Norris once kicked someone so hard that his foot reached the speed of light, traveled back in time and killed Amelia Earhart as she flew over the Pacific Ocean.
• Chuck Norris is the only man to hit a wall in tennis.
• Chuck Norris once ate three two-kilogram steaks in one hour. And in the first 45 minutes, he fucked the waitress.
• The Great Wall of China was built as a defense against Chuck Norris, but it failed miserably.
• Chuck Norris invented a time machine and traveled back in time to prevent the assassination of John F. Kennedy. When Oswald fired a shot, Chuck Norris hit all three bullets with his beard and deflected them. Kennedy's head exploded in astonishment.
• With many men, one egg is bigger than the other. Chuck Norris has EVERY egg bigger than the other.

• When Chuck Norris falls into the water, he doesn't get wet - the water becomes Chuck Norris' water.
• Chuck Norris' house has no doors - only walls that he walks through.
• There are no races - just people Norris has beaten to varying degrees of blue and black.
• Chuck Norris uses a nightlight not because he's afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
• When God said, "Let there be light!", Chuck replied, "Say 'please'".
• Chuck Norris never shaves - he just kicks himself in the face. The only thing Chuck Norris can cut is Chuck Norris.
• Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with over 20,000 women in his life. And for Chuck Norris, it's just a "boring Tuesday".
• There are no weapons of mass destruction. There is only Chuck Norris.
• There is no theory of evolution - just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has spared.
• Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man and gave the baby Jesus a beard, which he wore until his death. The other three wise men, offended that Jesus favored Chuck's gift, agreed and erased Chuck's name from the Bible. All three died soon after from mysterious injuries caused by a leg kick while turning.
• Chuck Norris doesn't go on the Internet. He saves all the websites in his memory and refreshes the pages with the blink of an eye.
• Chuck Norris grinds coffee beans with his teeth and boils water in his own rage.
• Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
• Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.
• Chuck Norris is so fast he can run across the floor and hit himself in the head with his fist from behind.
• There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he raised the temperature of the sun.
• Chuck Norris doesn't write books. The words line themselves up out of fear of him.
• Newton's third law is wrong. It does state that the force of action is equal to the force of counteraction, but there is no force equal to Chuck Norris kicking his leg out of rotation.
• Chuck Norris invented the color black. In fact, he invented the entire visible color spectrum with the exception of pink and blue. Pink was invented by Tom Cruise. Blue was invented by the director of the movie Brokeback Mountain.
• People invented cars to escape Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris is in no way inferior and invented car crashes.
• Godzilla is the Japanese legend of Chuck Norris' first visit to Tokyo.
• Chuck Norris can speak assembly language. The result of Wasserman's attempt to teach Chuck Norris to sing in it was the previous statement.
• Chuck Norris is so cool that sheep count him when he goes to bed.

• Chuck Norris' beard is so sharp that he shreds paper with it, which is why no one ever hits him on the head.
• Chuck Norris is the only one who can bite his own forehead. "Chuck Norris was originally supposed to be in the computer game "Street Fighter", but the makers of the game objected because when Chuck's character pressed any button, he kicked his foot out of rotation and killed the opponent.
• Chuck Norris makes every utensil disposable.
• Chuck doesn't have a birthday, he's always been around and he's to blame for the extinction of the dinosaurs.
• Chuck Norris doesn't use Word's spell checker. If his spelling doesn't match the dictionary, Oxford edits the dictionary.
• Chuck Norris always puts the condom on backwards. So that HE has the pleasure.
• Chuck Norris' mother tried to get an abortion. Eight times.
• One day Chuck Norris thought: why not sell his urine as a drink? The drink is now known as Red Bull.
• Chuck Norris looked evil straight in the eye. He looked in the mirror.
• Chuck Norris' summer house is on the sun.
• Chuck Norris built Everest with a bucket and a spatula.
• If you dream that Chuck Norris kicks you with an about face, you will die!
• Some people can kill two birds with one stone. Chuck Norris once killed four birds with half a stone. You say there can't be half a stone These four birds also thought....
• Once upon a time, the Bermuda Triangle was a square, until Chuck Norris stubbed his little toe against it.
• Chuck Norris accidentally swallowed a pack of sleeping pills and blinked.
• Some people wear Superman-themed pajamas. Superman wears pajamas with a Chuck Norris motif.
• When Chuck Norris does push-ups, the Earth deviates slightly from its orbit.
• In the drafts of "The Lord of the Rings", Chuck Norris was the main character. Nobody wanted to print a book with only two pages.
• Global warming? Chuck Norris just wanted to sunbathe.
• There is no April 1st in Chuck Norris' calendar.
• Chuck Norris sneezes with his eyes open.
• Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.

• Chuck Norris is against drugs. Better not to offer him any.
• Chuck Norris sleeps with a lamp so as not to frighten the darkness.
• If you say that no one is perfect, Chuck Norris will be personally offended.
• Intelligent aliens exist. They are afraid of us as long as Chuck Norris is with us.
• Chuck Norris has never won an Oscar for his acting. Because Chuck Norris doesn't act.
• Chuck Norris is not actually Irish. His hair is just splattered with the blood of soulless enemies.
• Chuck Norris can count to infinity. Twice.
• Chuck Norris can make onions cry.
• Chuck Norris doesn't need a wrench. He stares at the screw until it turns.
• Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
• Chuck Norris dug the Grand Canyon with a spoon.
• When Chuck Norris does push-ups, he pushes the earth down.
• Chuck Norris can cut an onion so that it becomes fries.
• Chuck Norris does not drink coffee. He chews on coffee beans and spits out boiling water.
• Chuck Norris has seen all the colors of the rainbow. He has personally painted them on.
• Chuck Norris can jump out of a window in a 10-story building and land safely.
• Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer. Too bad he never cried.
• Chuck Norris can see through walls. Through two.
• Chuck Norris can cut butter with a knife.
• When Chuck Norris walks through a revolving door, it follows him.
• Chuck Norris is the only person to have won a snowball fight with the sun.
• Chuck Norris can run faster than a car. Backwards.
• Chuck Norris can drown fish.
• Chuck Norris can turn carbon into diamonds. With his bare hands.
• Chuck Norris can turn water into wine. And back.
• Chuck Norris can recite the alphabet backwards in one minute. In Sanskrit.
• Chuck Norris can bend a bowling ball.
• Chuck Norris can split the air. Without a knife.
• Chuck Norris' watch has no hour hand. It decides what time it is.
• Chuck Norris has found the formula for infinity. It's Chuck Norris times two.

• Chuck Norris can find a needle in a haystack. Blindfolded.
• Chuck Norris has beaten a grizzly bear at arm wrestling. With one finger.
• Chuck Norris can reach the speed of light. While jogging.
• Chuck Norris can land an airplane faster than the pilot.
• Chuck Norris can fish for the moon.
• Chuck Norris can kick down a door. Without touching it.
• Chuck Norris' footprints can leave concrete.
• Chuck Norris can catch shadows. And keep it.
• Chuck Norris can fry a fried egg so that it stares back.
• Chuck Norris can catch fire with his bare hands.
• Chuck Norris can make a light bulb light up. By looking at it.
• Chuck Norris can turn sand into pearls. With a single breath.
• Chuck Norris can peel an orange without hands.
• Chuck Norris can build a bridge. With just one piece of string.
• Chuck Norris can split a melon in half. With a straw.
• Chuck Norris can checkmate in one move. Without a chessboard.
• Chuck Norris can carry the Eiffel Tower in his pocket.
• Chuck Norris can stop time. With a snap of his fingers.
• Chuck Norris can divide clouds. With a smile.
• Chuck Norris can turn rain into snow. With a single glance.
• Chuck Norris can defy gravity. While sleeping.
• Chuck Norris can walk around the world in a single step.

We hope this list of the best Chuck Norris jokes was entertaining for you.

Chuck Norris is actually a real legend for us too. We remember him from the time of his films and series and would like to take this opportunity to thank him for providing us with many hours of entertainment with his acting skills.